saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
