i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you would pick up someone in the library
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
