Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
