im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
