I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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