So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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