My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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