I just threw up on my dentist
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
