Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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