you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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