her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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