Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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