just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
