The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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