I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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