Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
