You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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