So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
