If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The air was thick with penises
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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