not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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