AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
