Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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