cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize