She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
