1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
