Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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