things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
