So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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