Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
