the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
