If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
