People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
