hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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