I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
