How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
