he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize