I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
