Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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