If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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