You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
