Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
