i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
