He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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