wakey wakey hands off snakey
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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