my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
