I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
