I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
