Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
