Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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