You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
