She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
