we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
