i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
