Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize