why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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