So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
