And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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