NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
