I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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