Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
