wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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