he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
