what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
