My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
