i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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