I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize