Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
