So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
the raccoons are back...
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