Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am mentally ready for anal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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