whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
