Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
