me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
