I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
