I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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