If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize