I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
