so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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