We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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