What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the condom got lost in my hair
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
