What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
