Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
