wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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