Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
