I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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