i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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