I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
