I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
