Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
