yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
