Can i not drive my cunt home
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
