The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
