I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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