I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
