two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
