nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
