I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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