He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
