She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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