I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
