the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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