You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
